Today I have broken my own rules. For the second day in a row, I haven’t left the house. In fact, we’ve barely left the house this week. Boo has been saying she’s wanted to stay at home and I’ve not pushed her to leave the house. But now I can feel the walls closing in and I’m lying here paralysed by my racing thoughts and anxiety.
All day I’ve been giving myself pep talks. Trying to get going. But I have a hundred different things I could do and I can’t choose so I’ve sat still. Catatonic.
On anxious days like this I feel frozen.
There’s so much going on in my head I feel bombarded. It’s like I have a crowd of people telling me what to do at once. I cant work out what to do first so I just do nothing.
To a fly on the wall I might look calm or peaceful. Maybe I look lazy or tired. But even though my body is still every nerve is twitching and my mind is racing.
It took an hour to convince myself to stand up and make lunch. I couldn’t decide if I should make lunch, check my emails, put laundry on, have a shower, have a wee …
I hate days like today. I know that I’ll go to bed angry with myself for wasting a day. There is no respite today.
Sorry about the deja vu post (I know it’s not the first time I’ve been here) and the lack of #funfriday post. Just a stumble I hope.