When you start trying for a baby, it’s hard not to become slightly neurotic. I can confidently say I am not alone in this because of the swathes of online forums and communities dedicated to trying for babies. I’m sure half of Google’s searches must be from people trying for a baby given the depth of the rabbit hole once you start searching. Again, I know this because I have fallen down that rabbit hole on more than one occasion.
Am I pregnant?
Can I still get a positive test if I have a negative test the day before my period?
Signs of pregnancy.
Best pregnancy tests to find out early.
But there’s one thing that has turned my stomach about the whole thing: the bloody acronyms. Now I understand why they are useful and needed – typing out trying to conceive is a ball ache compared to TTC. TWW very neatly summarises that awful stretch of time between bonking and your period when you are supposed to patiently wait but actually lose more and more of your marbles. I’m fine with those acronyms. There are some though that turn my stomach and I’ve taken to renaming them to make reading them bearable. Here are 3 that I have changed to help keep me sane during the two week wait (TWW: period of peak neurosis).
Baby making acronyms: their intended meaning and my redesign
1. DH: Dear husband or darling husband 🤢.
I call my husband darling but writing it down seems so twee. It’s like I’ve emaciated him and his role in creating life. Some have suggested Dick Haver as a possible alternative but that seems to go too far in the opposite direction. We are a team choosing to become parents together. He is more than just his penis.
My solution: D’Hubby
Of course, I always read in a stupid voice. Because we all need to have a sense of humour about this.
2. BD: Baby dance
Wut?!?! Of all the ways we have to say sex, they chose ‘baby dance’. Reproductive sex (or bonking with intent as Mother Pukka likes to call it) can be stripped of romance at the best of times. Seriously, how prudish were the people who came up with these acronyms?
My solution: Bang and Do it.
Sure it doesn’t roll off the tongue or really make sense but at least I’m not turned off the thought of sex forever every time I read ‘baby dance’.
3. POAS: Pee On A Stick
I don’t have too much of an issue with this one but it’s the coy (TMI sorry) that is obligated to go with it. We are all n this forum to discuss the crazy things we have done to try and have a baby. Nothing is too much information. Why does everyone pretend it is? My cervix is high – is that good. Oh TMI sorry. No, stop pretending it’s too much information. You are here to share that info with anonymous strangers because it would be TMI casually dropping that snippet in over a glass of prosecco with the girls. So my issue with this acronym is that people think even saying pee is too much.
My solution: Piss on a Stick
A simple amendment but I feel better about being on those forums with this small act of rebellion.
So as I gear myself up to bang and do it all over again, I am unashamed in saying Google will be searched, D’Hubby will probably become as neurotic as me as I piss on all the sticks and hopefully, it will all be worth it in the end. But you will never hear me utter, ‘Darling Husband! It’s time to do the baby dance!’